Me...

Me... Its not easy to understand me unless ur in my shoes and lived my exact lifestyle.. But if urs is totally different, then, u wont be able to understand even half of it..

So if i dont have anione hu understands me, where do i fall? Hu picks me up?

My past has made me hu i am now.. Whats changed and what has not is with regard to whatever lyfe has thought me in the past.. Still, there are some things that cannot change..

Family...

The base of all lives, the start and the beginning.. Even if u dun have one, it depends on the ppl u mix with..

I'm not used to, no, i neva tell anione wads in my heart.. I dun jus blatter out everitin in an instant.. I choose the person properly.. When ur young, other then ur own family, hu else will wana hear ur daily activities.. I dont have that..

Whats the point?? Even i pour out on this page.. Will anione ever understand? No, they jus sae, "here u go again" or "its alwaes aboud u" or "u neva change"..

There are things that i cant do for u baby.. Like reporting or telling my daily stories or saeing i love u or i miss u.. Its sometimes even hard to sae sori.. Coz i neva had one whom i can do that to.. They jus become memories, locked away in one part of my brain.. Family is impt.. Frankly speaking i blame my family for this.. They left a huge hole that even 5 years of my time that i've been with u n notin has changed..

Thats why i feel lonely.. I'm pretty used to being a listener, then to be listened..

I wana make u "My family".. But i cant coz when i go home i dont see u.. Thats what family is rite?

I just hate this part of my life.. It neva changed.. I'm so used to this that i cant even remember the last time i cried..

Alas, this post is just for show in the end.. Coz everione's goin "Whats up with this guy?".. Simply because no one understood a thing i jus said..

self-discovery

Self-discovery. To find out more about yourself. Physically and especially, mentally. Character, intelligence, social. I believe one can find these through their daily lives in every moment and activity. Games, being scociable, work, school, home.

So what if one finds out that his or her true nature is actually different then who they really are. When u know that ur the angry and hot-tempered type but after this self-discovery u find that ur actually a soft-hearted person?

What if your the decent, disciplined and 'follow the rules' type of person but actually u found out that ur the wild, party animal, kicking and going against the law?

What if, u are the easy-going, carefree person and actually u wan things done ur way n a very jealous type. sensitive?

The feeling where ur not bein who u wana be, bein this way coz ur forced to bcoz of ur nature, habit, environment n past life?

And when ur try to be hu u wana be but u cant. Why? Bcoz of this, bcoz of that. bla bla bla. And then u cage urself not bein able to let out the person u actually are. Bcoz u wana be a nice person and dont wana hurt others but actuali inside u hate sumtin. Ur eyes sore when u see it, ur brain aches when u think aboud it, ur ear burns when u hear it. Yet u keep it to urself coz u can
"forget aboud it n let it go" n be the "nice and understading person".

Do u noe how it feels? it sucks..... Then again.... What the heck can u do???? ur stuck.... forward is the onli way to go....

polaroid camera

so i bought this polaroid camera for 150 bucks. fujifilm instax mini 7s. had alot of fun with it even if the film is a little pricy. me n my date had tremendous fun with it and we had our best picture. we both were like oh my god!!! hahahax.



hahax nice eh???

lots of jmtd. mtaw....

take the old make it new

"take the old make it new", a phrase printed on the front of a purple converse shirt that i owned given to me as a b'dae present 2 years ago. if u noe aboud my story, most probably wadever i'm saeing makes perfect sense to u.

so far things are very2 stable. everitin that i need is enuff. but i noe i got to work even harder for my future coz i see alot of holes not filled up. its like losing a part or 2 in a bike and it affects the whole bike. still need to wait for alot of my goals. a very long journey ahead but i'm not heading there alone..... :) hahahax..

settled down

i've settled down. i got my baby back. everitin feels relax n i believe i can reali take care of her well n also myself with the help of numerous ppl. yet there is still goals to be achieved n these goals nid tyme. so i gotta be patient. no doubt the wait is gona be a pain in my ass n soon the tyme comes when that goal comes nearer where it'll leave me in a cardiac arrest.

baby i jmtd u so much......... mtaw.....

alone after all

yea, 2 IS better then 1. the fact that sum1 is alwaes with u. ur not alone. by ur side, guiding u, lending a hand. but one cannot deny the fact that certain things, actuali, many things, needs to be done alone.

i've been alone for a year n its been great definitely. onli prob was bein lonely. i keep havin the thought of hu to kol? hu to msg? hu to disturb? hu to hangout with? noeing that they might be busy n not wanting to be a disturbance. but no more. i dun feel lonely. i dun feel empty. like there's a hole in my heart. i feel warmth inside. happy.

but this does not change the fact that i'm alone when it comes to me. myself. my goals. my life. my health. my achivements. everitin. i pushed myself without anione's help. i took care of myself when i'm sick. lifted myself up when i'm down. smile when i couldnt. at the same time i helped others in need when i myself isnt in gd shape. i'm happy for myself. its hard but i have to accept this solid fact that i'm alone in the end. no one is responsible for me but myself. so, in the end, i'm alone after all.

the meet up

it was one of those special meetups again. a meeting that i alwaes looked forward to but a meeting where i got to be very very patient due to its constant re-scheduling. n on top of that i'm the one that forks out the money. hahax. not that i'm complaining. for this kind of meeting i'm reali willing to do anitin.

Let me get straight to the point aboud this post. After the above paragraph, i've been typing n re-typing aboud the meetup. There is just so many things i wana type out but everitin gets jumbled up. I just wished i could re-experience the meetup over again n again. I have neva felt so comfortable for so long.

I'm searching for another who can make me feel the same way but perhaps u are that onli special one?

bein by ur side is just a slice of the whole cake. i want the whole cake. love n hugs. *tear*