another light

sometimes, i wished life was different. my life. certain changes that i would like to have. perhaps a cool dad n a mum who is a good housewife. everitin starts with the parents in the family. i jus wished that if my parents were abit better then they are when they got together then everitin would have changed. then my life wouldnt have been so, u noe, dull. everitin seems black n white rite now. notin seems to be stable. everitin is a mess.

so i'm trying to straighten sumtin on myself. but i cant think of one. perhaps my personality. my character keeps changing. i cannot accept when sum1 sae i get influenced so easily bcoz THEY DONT FUCKIN UNDERSTAND ME. everitime i hear sum1 sae that i jus wanted to hurt them. my persoanality changes bcoz i'm able to adapt to my surroundings, to the people i hangout with for example at home n school. its totally different. n as everidae pass by, the more people i meet the more personalities i gain.

there is this one personality that everione seem to want me to change. its hard to explain. i wont sae its my cowardness. myabe it is but in my point of view its this personality where i dun wana hurt anione. i have frens who like to show whose boss when they're with me. oredering me around n sorta like bullying. but i dun defy them bcoz if thats what makes them feel good, i'd take the heat. bcoz i dun wan ppl around me to feel sad or down or depressed. but the problem i'm facing is that sum of these people ard me, i find it hard to approach them. like my family. if i see my mother cry, i'm scared to consult her, to lend my shoulders. i duno why. i'm not close to anione in my family. i'm closer to my frens.

but even towards my frens, i couldnt approach them the same way bcoz i'm missing sumtin. its sumtin like u when fall down and scraped ur knee n ur parents come wiping ur tears n take care of ur knee n be dere for u even for such a small thing when u were young. my parents tease me. make fun of me.

so its jus another light in my life i wished i had but i didnt regret this life i'm having now coz i got a feeling its gona get way better. :) cheers......