the onli thing i can relate to..

my blog. its the onli thing i can relate to. which i can rarely excess. even as a guy and sum1 in my case. i still need sum1 to alwaes be dere for me. my family has been crossed out. other then that i have no one hu will be dere for me. people sae i'm weird.. immatured.. stupid.. n stuff like that.. hahax.. onli bcoz they dun understand me. everitin happens for a reason n i blame no one n not even myself. if this is life i'll face it. i wont hide in a hole no more. no more will dere be a time where i'll feel helpless aboud it. i already know that i'm on my own.

i felt otherwise once upon a time when my ex was dere for me. she was the onli one dere n alwaes been dere for me. hahax.. but like she said.. guys dun think. no argument there but like i said everitin happens for a reason n when it comes to matters of the heart, sometimes u cant find one. i feel that i'm crawling on a pool of shit but i know better that there are people out dere n happenings shittier then mine.

my problem, i figured after thorough thinking, is being able to be with someone whom i can be myself n more. i do not have a family, people whom u wake up to everi morning and be able to be urself and sae anitin or do anitin u wan. instead, here i am looking for a person like that outside this house i live in. it is ironic. its sad. its depressing.

frens, brothers, colleugues can come to me, patting my back, saeing i'm here for u. but i dun see them everidae, i dun wake up to see them, n they're too busy with their own family, work, n sch to alwaes be dere for me.

thats why for me, i am alone. no matter how much i dun wan to be. thats what i think u call being strong n takin the path of reponsibility n being able to stabilise n balance urself. n last but not least to be mature.

at times like this where it is hardest to smile n easiest to cry. well i'm smiling now. bein able to let it off my chest thru my blog everi once in awhile is reali a score for me. u dun get complacent over it and make full use of the chance.

oh yeah i went to my ex's open hse. hahax.. the faces that sum of her cousins n sum uncles and aunties gave me.. totally not welcomed. no worries there. i can totally understand. but yet i wondered why didnt i walk off from dere? stepping on the grounds of her hse gave me a flashback of the past. i couldnt walk away. i wanted to stay there forever. but i knew i cant. i'm notin more then a lost memory. the unwelcomed feeling gave me the strength to walk off from there. i've realised my image has gone down quite a few notches n made no impact in my presence there.

i'm strong. i know i can take this. even more so i could. it hurts again n over. many times from different people n different stories but i know i can take it. sumtimes even my closest frens tend to make a joke out of it. i'll jus laugh but inside it hurts. badly. i dun blame them nor myself for tellin them. i'm used to it. but sumtimes i wished i neva told anione aboud anitin. then again its bad for health. hahax. grass is alwaes greener on the other side ehk? hahax..

aqilah. the gal i like. i never thought it'll take awhile to get over her. hahax. what a story. i got high over my head n fell to the ground so hard. she is the reason why i'm starting to think twice aboud opening myself up to people. oh god. what a way to lose myself. its an embarassing way of learning things the hard way.

two quotes to end this post.

"He(God) wont give u anitin that u cannot overcome"

"the latest bloomer is the most beautiful flower of them all"

the 1st quote has been guarding my path in lyfe for awhile now... thanks to CT.. :)