Face the music

I finally did it. I faced the music. This whole time I realised I was hiding it from myself. That the truth is there in front of me but I chose to ignore. I didn’t want to face the truth. I wanted to be the good guy. I saw how immature I was. I was disgusted. But the truth can’t wait forever. That was the truth. But my feelings are still there but it’s too late. Anyone will think that those feelings were fake, based on regret. Yes I have already said it one too many times. It won’t work again. That’s how it is. I have to live with it. This is a sin that shall be my, past my present and my future. Shall it reoccur? I do not know. A mistake I shall and should not forget. I cannot be forgiven. I will learn from it but never forget it.
It is too late. But if I was given the chance to be heard n say what I want to say. I would have said this:
“I have learnt many things and everyday is something new. It’s been 2 months or maybe more since we broke up. I have faced the music n reveal myself to confront it instead of hiding like a coward. I feel guilty like never before understanding your pain and morale and everything that u hold. How great is that hurt u feel I do not know. This guilt will never fade. It will scar me over n over again. Yet my feelings for you grew. I could see all my mistakes and how to solve them. I waited for you. But I did not give myself much hope. I waited. I was willing to wait in my silence. I told others a different story. But inside I was waiting for you. For you to be in my arms n be your man. I love you. I love you. You hate me but I still love you. Every time we had a conversation I wanted to end it with those three words. But I know very well I cannot do so. You say that there is no need to refresh our relationship but I believe I can. My heart says so. No matter how much my mind keeps telling me ‘it’s too late’. My heart says I can win u back. I love you.”
I know it’s too late. But this is wad I feel. I have no more words to sae. This ends here.
P.S. I’m sorry for everything.