unbelievable

todae was a fridae

had to go prayers but i didnt

instead i watched 'sex is zero' with haris

had a laugh of our lives

aslam joined us too

then i when for a ride at chestnut drive

wow the houses there were wonderful

very nice n damn beautiful

built with swmimming pools and stuff

it was uphill all the way but i managed hehex

mind over matter

met up with the riding members

farhan, yasir, haiqal

decided to cycle till lakeside

n guess wad we ended up at vivocity!!!

kimak my legs like babat over white hot charcoal

but the expericence was excellent

felt like i achieved sumtin new

sumtin different

throughout the dae

thoughts ran through my mind

many things

there was one point when were at jurong

i was tired so i was at the back far away from the others cycling slowly

i felt like i was sumwhere else

sumwhere i wanted to be with a special sumone

watching the stars

n then suddenly i was like

snap back to reality

n i was laughing

the irony i told myself

n off i went to chase the others

i feel light right now

a little dizzy n shagged of coz

but i wana touch on a subject

aboud bein sure aboutd sumtin

like at one point u decide on sumtin

n then the next dae u changed ur mind

we can sae its like indecisiveness

everidae when u go out into the world

there are alwaes changes

changes in surroundings

the people u see

the things u hear

the things u do

so one can expect in the changes of their thoughts

to think differently

but yes

saeing so means that person is not certain of what he or she saes

n maybe so that person cannot be trusted with words

with the experience i had

i might be that person

makes me be cautious of what i sae

n now there are things that i keep

unlike before whereby i just shoot n tell

mind over matter

think n not give in to the emotions or bodily feelings

like boredom, tiredness, loneliness

wait for the right time to tell what u feel

i feel lonely even when i'm with my best friends

n i can be my utmost self

a quote if i may from sumone's blog i read

'love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness'

could love be the answer to my loneliness?

i cant answer that qns

bcoz i didnt fight for love before

i let it go n left it behind

if my ans was yes

then i have jus held the gun in mmy mouth n pulled the trigger

if my ans was no

then wad is the ans to my loneliness?

i was told the love isnt sumtin i was lookin for

it was knowledge

yet i did notin aboud it

i do not noe wad i was lookin for

wad was i searching for...

if love n knowledge is not wad i was looking for

wad is it?

i looked at myself in the mirror

n asked myself

hu r u?

a bastard?

r u a bastard?

i wished i didnt see my reflection in the mirror

because sumtimes i cant look at myself

i feel ashamed

i have sinned

i have done things that are reali out of this world

sum of them i didnt even noe i was doin

i cant shake it off

but am able to think more now

i'm able to put aside feelings and emotions

n think of what i've got to do

wherever i am

i decide that i shud not give in to the matters of heart easily

n use my brain

i am not good with words

but i still try

that is me

thanks for reading this post.....

'america's suiteheart

i must confess

i'm in love with my own sins'